The Cancer Jigsaw by SB
- Published on Wednesday, 06 June 2012 08:23
I used to love doing jigsaws as a child, fitting all of the little pieces back together to make it whole again, and see the lovely picture it made when complete.
And then I was presented with the cancer jigsaw! It came along, took me out of my nice, cosy, happy box (my world) and shattered me into lots of little pieces, devastating the foundations on which my life has been built and suddenly, all of the pieces that made me who I am are broken up, tossed up and left to fall to the ground.
I can see all of the pieces, but yet they`re not with me and I`m not with them. And as I look I sometimes feel I`ve no idea how to make them fit anymore, how to make me whole and will the pieces ever go back together again!
It so hard to describe to people who haven`t had cancer what having cancer is like and it`s hard to know where to start! However consider the cancer jigsaw:
The body is broken up by cancer: surgeons want a piece, doctors want a piece, then a different type of doctor wants another piece, nurses want a piece, machines want a piece. Cancer throws life up in the air and gives all of these pieces away and suddenly all our pieces are all over the place…
And just as we start figuring out the picture again, the rules change and some of us find cancer is greedy and wants more pieces! It wants them all and even tries to hide them. It`s almost playing with them - toying what to do with them next... and once cancer has messed up the jigsaw, would it put the pieces back where they belong?
Heck no, cancer doesn’t do that! It makes us work to get them back, and work hard!
We all need to have our wits about us to get this one figured out and it`s one of those huge jigsaws where you have to keep looking back at the lid of the box to remind ourselves of what the whole jigsaw looked like before it was broken up! It`s important to remember who we are and what we were like before cancer broke us up.
(how could we ever forget, but we do, because having cancer does that to us)
And if you`ve ever done a jigsaw you`ll know sometimes how frustrating and awkward they can be! Some pieces just don’t seem to fit where you thought they did, and some just seem like they don’t belong at all, and some you have to fiddle around with (like with treatments, meds, tests and operations - everything that comes with having cancer!) and some of these things work, some we have to try again, some take a while to fit… and some just don`t fit at all
Are you getting the picture?
And what about the most important piece of all, the mind? Cancer really messes with this piece and it can feel it`s in and out of that jigsaw like a yoyo! One day it fits in just great (and is focused and strong) the next day, “BOOM” it just doesn`t fit, is all jumbled up, tossed back out, and thing is that of all the pieces, we really need that one piece to fit so badly in order to keep going!
On diagnosis, each of us has our own jigsaw to work and there`s no doubt that with cancer tossing the pieces around, there`s no fair play awards in this jigsaw battle.
But being optimistic, there are many of us who`ve always loved jigsaws and are determined to fit all of those pieces back together again, determined to keep going as long as it takes, however many pieces, and that determination and drive and courage can give us all hope.
It`s important to not get lost in all this and even if the jigsaw looks impossible to complete, by keeping on piecing them back together again, there will come a time when each of us are whole, we can close the lid on the box, look at the it and see - I will still be me at the end, and you will be you, and whatever happens, our puzzles will be complete!